just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Randomize
