just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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