I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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