I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize