do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
There was a lot of him and a little penis
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
