Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
We named our party play list daddy issues
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I just blew my weed a kiss
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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