I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
