I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
