im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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