dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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