kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
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