First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize