Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
