He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
