Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
