Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
