she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize