There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
