you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
