Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
