I'm lost and stupid without you.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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