we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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