nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
