I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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