Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
