I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
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