do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
