the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize