Moan for me like Helen Keller
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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