And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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