and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
