you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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