Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
