i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Randomize
