yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
