I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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