guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
What a dumb baby whore.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
