He disabled his match.com account in front of me
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
