K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
