If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
