so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
