hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Randomize