When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
