I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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