He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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