This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
