Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
cat food counts as protein by the way
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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