o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
sarcasm needs its own font
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Randomize
