Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Randomize
