Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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