Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
