I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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