So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
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