..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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