So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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