how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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