no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
i think my cat just said my name.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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