hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize