well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
