I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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