K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
