He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
