I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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