Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
