the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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