I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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