I wish I only lived at night.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Randomize
