So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
