I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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