I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
