Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
