That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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