my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
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