My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize