I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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