I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize