Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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