sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
