apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
