i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
