I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
