So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
