Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Well I just put wine in my tea
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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