mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Randomize
