Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Vodka?
Forever.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Randomize