what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
