Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
