He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
