There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Randomize
