She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
