If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
