my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
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