if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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