Pants 0. Shit 1.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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