Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
What drink are we having for lunch?
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
