Having a random hookup so left but love u
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize