last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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