You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
