her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
