Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
