On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
