You're so nebulous sometimes
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
