Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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