Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
