Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize