shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Randomize
