when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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