I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Randomize