girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Randomize
