That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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