Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize