she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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