Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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