You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
