1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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